BACKSTAGE BROADS
BACKSTAGE BROADS ( 6f, 1m comedy)
Sylvie inherits an old theatre in the suburbs from her Uncle. She, her friend Myrtle and her handy neighbors, both named Jackie, set out to revive it as a viable community theatre. Their only problem is lack of funds and lack of talent. They hire an experienced director named Carl and audition a couple of actresses, Naomi a novice, and Lynne, an experienced diva, and they are off to the races with their first show. Because they don't have the funds to license a popular title they decide to stage Carl's play, a riff on Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion titled Pygmuleian. About a mule skinner in the old west trying to educate a common gutter Snype from Boston into a fine lady! But what's really going on behind the scenes are plot twists and hilarity!
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SAMPLE DIALOUGE
CASTSylvie Rose 55-65Myrtle Tuttle 60 -70Lynne Taylor 50Naomi Burton 25 - 35Jackie Johnson (southern) 50 - 70Jackie Jackson 50 – 70Carl Hill 45 -60
Author’s Note.
If your stage is large enough, you have the option of dividing one quarter of the set as the performance stage and doing the off / stage dialogue in that space. Smaller stages should do it off stage as directed.
ACT 1
SCENE 1
SETTING: The green room of an old theatre. A door up right leads to the stage. A sign marked ‘quiet – show in progress’’ hangs on it. An archway leading to the rest of the theatre is stage left. A door marked restroom is down right. A door marked ‘stage door’ is back left. This door leads to the outside. There is a couch against the wall, stage left and a table with chairs down center. Shelves are against the wall between the bathroom and door leading to stage (stage right) A small prop table is against the back wall. Other chairs fill any spaces against the various walls.
AT RISE: Sylvie and Myrtle enter through stage door.
MYRTLE. So, this is it, huh.
SYLVIE. This is it. We call this the green room for obvious reasons. That door leads to the stage and that archway leads to the rest of the theatre. Offices, lobby, concession stand. embalming room.
MYRTLE. Embalming room?
SYLVIE. Yeah, before it was a theatre it was a funeral home. No one had the nerve to convert the embalming room to anything but it’s nice and cool in there so that’s where they keep the liquor.
MYRTLE. And you’re taking over a theatre that hasn’t been in use for twenty years, why?
SYLVIE. My Uncle Sidney died last month at the ripe old age of 97 and left me the place. He kept it empty after he retired and used it as a tax write off. But everything still works. The lights, the sound. And the seats are in decent shape.
MYRTLE. And what do you know about running a theatre?
SYLVIE. What do you mean? I worked on the light board for the school musicals in High School. If you know how to do that, you can run any theatre.
MYRTLE. If you say so.
SYLVIE. Besides, I got my neighbors, the Jackies, to help me.
MYRTLE. The Jackies?
SYLVIE. Yeah, Jackie Johnson and Jackie Jackson.
MYRTLE. Kind of confusing. When you’re trying to talk to them, how do you tell them apart?
SYLVIE. I just call them by their initials.
MYRTLE. (Beat) Oh.
SYLVIE. They are expert carpenters. And strong as oxen. They can build any kind of set. They used to build temporary housing for the U.S. women’s swim team in the Olympic trials.
Myrtle. They live together?
SYLVIE. Now they do. They both used to be married.
MYRTLE. To men?
SYLVIE. Yes, to men! But why does that matter? This is theatre and in theatre we are open minded!
MYRTLE. It doesn’t matter to me but I’m gonna wear less make-up when they’re around.
SYLVIE. Funny thing about those two. One’s as square as they get and the other is looser than a mu mu on a super model.
MYRTLE. Which is which?
SYLVIE. Oh, you’ll figure it out.
MYRTLE. (she opens theatre door) Sure is dark in there. And musty. You sure you’re not better off turning this place back into a funeral parlor?
(she closes theatre door)
SYLVIE. Not to worry, with the Jackies’ helping us we’ll have this place in shape in no time.
MYRTLE. The first thing they should do is paint this room blue. The green is depressing, Reminds me of…
SYLVIE. A funeral parlor?
MYRTLE. I was going to say a hospital, but now that you mention it.
SYLVIE. Listen, Myrtle. The first rule of theatre, you cannot paint the green room blue. It’s a theatre tradition!
MYRTLE. So, start a new tradition.
SYLVIE. I can’t do that. You want piss off the theatre gods. Next, you’ll be wanting me to get rid of the ghost light.
MYRTLE. What’s a ghost light?
SYLVIE. A small light they leave on in the middle of the stage.
MYRTLE. There was no light on when I just looked in there.
SYLVIE. It’s been twenty years. The bulb probably burnt out.
MYRTLE. Hope that doesn’t piss off the theatre gods.
SYLVIE. (hits a light switch near theatre door) This is the work light switch. I’ll go check.
(Sylvie exits to the theatre)
MYRTLE. (calling after her) Hey, it’s not that important. (She starts looking around the room.)
Great. Leave me alone in a creepy old theatre that used to be a funeral parlor.
(sound of toilet flushing in bathroom. Myrtle walks slowly to bathroom door, nervously geos to turn handle, then thinks better of it and starts backing away as Sylvie re-enters and startles her)
MYRTLE. Ahh!
SYLVIE. What’s the matter with you. I was right. The bulb was burnt out.
MYRTLE. Hey, we the only ones here?
SYLVIE. Yeah, why.
MYRTLE. The toilet in there just flushed. And it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you. You sure this place isn’t haunted? Like you said, it used to be a funeral home. Maybe the decedents weren’t big theatre fans.
SYLVIE. Relax. The Jackies are here. I told them to turn the water back on from outside when they got here. That toilet hasn’t been used in years. The tank probably filled up and flushed. They can fix it.
MYRTLE. They do plumbing too?
SYLVIE. And landscaping. They do everything.
(Jackies enter stage door wearing toll belts and carrying work equipment. One has a drill and the other has a portable table saw.)
SYLVIE. And here they are. Myrtle Tuttle, Meet Jackie Jackson and Jackie Johnson.
JACKIE S. (a little too friendly she shakes her hand and speaks with a southern accent) Well hello Myrtle. I sure hope we’re gonna be workin’ together!
SYLVIE. See what I mean.
MYRTLE. (pulling away) Yeah, well, I’m more of a front office type of gal.
JACKIE S. What a shame.
JACKIE N. Pleased to meet you, Myrtle. I know it gets a little confusing with our names. So, if you need one of us just use our initials. That’s what everybody does.
MYRTLE. I heard.
SYLVIE. Well ladies, we have a lot of work to do around here so let’s get cracking.
MYRTLE. Oh J.J.
BOTH JACKIES . Yes.
MYRTLE. Yeah, the initial thing just isn’t going to work.
SYLVIE. She’s right, girls. Okay from now on You’re Jackie S.
JACKIE S. Why S?
SYLVIE. S. for Southern.
JACKIE 2. What does that make me, Jackie N, for Northern.
MYRTLE. Where are you from?
JACKIE 2. Newark.
SYLVIE. Perfect. Okay, somebody needs to check the toilet. It’s flushing by itself.
JACKIE S. I’ll go. (suggestivly to Myrtle) Want to come along and help me work (hand gesture) …the plunger?
MYRTLE. I’m good.
JACKIE S. Suit yourself. (she exits to bathroom)
JACKIE N. What do you need me to do?
SYLVIE. Why don’t you start outside. There are leaves all over the parking lot. It is autumn after all. There’s a leaf blower in the tool room down the hall.
JACKIE N. I’m on it.
(Toilet flushed again as Jackie S. enters from bathroom)
JACKIE S. I’m gonna need some more tools for this job.
JACKIE N. Before that, you want to help me blow the parking lot.
JACKIE S. Depends. How many guys are out there? I’m a little out of practice.
JACKIE N. I meant with the leaf blower!
JACKIE S. Well, that would make things a little easier. Let’s go.
(the Jackies exit)
MYRTLE. Shouldn’t the S just stand for slut.
SYLVIE. Be nice.
MYRTLE. So, I’m working the concessions and the lobby, you’re working in the tech booth for the show, and we’re both working in the office during the day. Doesn’t that still leave us with a show to stage? You know actors, a director, a play?
SYLVIE. I got that covered. I’m meeting with Carl Hill today. I also posted open audition information on social media.
MYRTLE. Auditions for what? We haven’t decided on a play yet.
SYLVIE. That’s why they are ‘open’ auditions. They come in and read for anything, just so you can get a sense of their acting ability.
MYRTLE. So, who’s Carl Hill?
SYLVIE. A director who reached out to me last week. He should be here any minute.
MYRTLE. How did he find out about you and the theatre?
SYLVIE. This is a community theatre in the suburbs. Word travel fast.
(Sylvie grabs some play catalogues from the shelf, and hands one to Myrtle)
Sit down here, let’s see if we can find any plays.
MYRTLE. (as they both sit at table) I’d rather look through a lunch menu. I skipped breakfast.
SYLVIE. Never mind. See if you can find any ticketing services. Check online. I’ll check out the plays.
(Myrtle starts to search on her phone)
MYRTLE. Find any good plays?
SYLVIE. Plenty. But the problem is going to be casting them?
MYRTLE. Why is that?
SYLVIE. This is a community theatre in the suburbs. . You can get plenty of women to audition but you can only find men in high school or retired guys over the age of 65. How are you making out with that ticketing software?
MYRTLE. It’s very confusing and it costs a small fortune to use. Why can’t we just take cash at the door?
SYLVIE. The only people who carry cash nowadays are people over sixty years old. What do we do about the rest of the people?
MYRTLE. Did you forget what business we’re in? The only people who are going to show up to see a play are people over sixty years old.
SYLVIE. Good point. But we’d better stick to the ticketing software to start. We can take cash for the fifty / fifty drawings.
MYRTLE. Fifty / fifty drawings?
SYLVIE. Sure, half the money goes to a lucky patron, and the other half goes to help renovate the theatre.
MYRTLE. Can we use some to buy pizza? I’m starving.
SYLVIA. No, we can’t.
MYRTLE. Why are we meeting Mr. Hill in the green room instead of the office?
SYLVIE. Jackie N. is painting the office after she’s done outside. And Jackie S. is going to power wash the embalming room. We just can’t get the smell of formaldehyde out of there. It’s making the wine taste like scotch.
(Carl Hill enters through arch. He is carrying a small computer bag)
CARL. Hello ladies. I’m Carl Hill. The ladies outside told me you were here.
SYLVIE. (standing) Welcome Carl. I’m Sylvie Rose, and this is Myrtle Tuttle.
CARL. Pleased to meet you both. Have you decided on a new name for the place?
MYRTLE. I wanted to go with the Mortuary Playhouse, but Sylvie thought it was too goth.
SYLVIE. We’re still kicking it around. You have any thoughts?
CARL. Well, you’re out here in the suburbs, how about Theatre Suburbia.
SYLVIE. I think there’s already one called that in Texas, they might think it’s a chain.
CARL. So how about the Provincial Playhouse.
MYRTLE. (impressed, she rises and crosses to him) Wow, now that’s a classy name. I like it. Quite the alliteration. You are so talented.
CARL. So, I’ve been told.
MYRTLE. Tell me something Carl. Are you single?
CARL. Yes, I am. Are you?
SYLVIE. We both are. But can we just stick to business for the time being.
CARL. Are you thinking of going non – profit?
SYLVIE. Never really thought about it. Why do you ask?
CARL. There are benefits and drawbacks.
SYLVIE. Really, what are the benefits?
CARL. You get to apply for grants.
SYLVIE. What are the drawbacks?
CARL. You have to deal with a board of directors.
SYLVIE. And that’s bad?
CARL. It depends on your point of view. Most theatre boards are only there because they want to act in the plays.
SYLVIE. Oh, that’s bad.CARL. No that’s good, do you know how hard it is to find actors for community theatre?
SYLVIE. I have already discussed it with Myrtle. Well, it’s something to consider. Did you bring a resume?
CARL. Why, of course. Here you go…
(he takes resume from bag and hands it to Sylvie )
SYLVIE. Very impressive Carl. But why are you out here, couldn’t you get plenty of work in the city?
CARL. I’m not a kid anymore. So, I’ve opted for a bit of a more sedentary life. You know. Get away from the city pavement and enjoy some country grass.
MYRTLE. Guess it depends on which country the grass is from.
SYLVIE. Have you picked out a play for me?
CARL. Sure did. I thought this one was intriguing.
(He pulls a play from his bag and hands it to her)
SYLVIA. (Looking though play as Myrtle reads over her shoulder) All about Eva, the musical. (as she peruses the play). Wait a minute we can’t stage this play!
MYRTLE. Why, because it’s a biography of Eva Braun?
SYLVIA. No, because it’s a musical. We’re a ninety-five seat community theatre, Carl. We can’t afford to stage musicals. The royalties are enormous.
CARL. Fine, so pick one of those old chestnuts you have in front of you.
MYRTLE. Do you have to mention chestnuts? I’m starving.
CARL. Oh well, then perhaps you’d like to join me for a late lunch after the auditions today?
MYRTLE. I’d love to Carl.
SYLVIE. Business Myrtle.
CARL. She’s right, Myrtle. This is community theatre. There is no room for frivolous romance and dalliances.
SYLVIA. No frivolous romances? How long have you been in community theatre Carl?
CARL. Just starting in the amateur ranks.
MYRTLE. He’ll come around.
CARL. So, have you selected a play?
SYLVIE. Not yet. They all require royalties, and even royalties for non- musicals have gone up in the last twenty years. Some have doubled and tripled.
CARL. Well, the playwright’s gotta eat too I suppose.
MYRTLE. Yeah, so does a box office manager.
CARL. I have it, we’ll start out by picking a play that’s in the public domain. No royalties are required. How about Shakespeare?
SYLVIE. Yeah, he doesn’t really bring ‘em in like he did in the fifteen hundreds. How about George Bernard Shaw? He must be in the public domain by now.
CARL. Eliza Doolittle! Always a crowd pleaser! I’ll look it up.
(He starts researching on his phone)
MYRTLE. Eliza Doolittle? I thought you said no musicals.
SYLVIE. Not “My Fair Lady” Myrtle. Pygmalion by Shaw. That’s the non-musical that it was based on.
CARL. Sorry, Bernard Shaw is still not in the public domain, but not to worry, I wrote my own version of the story called Pygmuleian.
MYRTLE. You write plays too?
CARL. Sure, who doesn’t.
SYLVIA. Pygmuleian?
CARL. Yes, it’s a period piece set in the old west. A mule skinner tries to teach a Boston Lady how to pass for a frontier woman. Sort of a twist on the plot.
SYLVIA. Twist? It sounds more like a strangle. What’s the cast like.
CARL. Five men and ten women but we can scale it down.
SYLVIA. To what?
CARL. It depends, let’s see who shows up to audition.
MYRTLE. Hey, can Sylvie and I be in it?
SYLVIE. Great idea Myrt. I’ll run back and forth from the light booth, and you can join in after you close the concession stand and run the fifty/ fifty.
MYRTLE. I knew it would work.
SYLVIE. I was being sarcastic.
CARL. It’s been done before.
SYLVIE. Let’s just see who shows up to auditions.
CARL. Sounds great.
(Jackie N enters from archway)
JACKIE N. Hey, two women are in the lobby waiting to audition.
CARL. Do they have any experience?
JACKIE N. How should I know? I didn’t ask them for references.
MYRTLE. Oh, Carl Hill, I’d like you to meet Jackie N. She’s one of our set builders and prop mistress.
JACKIE N. Hey, nobody said anything about prop mistress to me. If you’re looking for a mistress, you’re better off talking to the other Jackie.
CARL. Are there two Jackies?
MYRTLE. Yeah, she’s Jackie N. She’s gonna paint the office. Jackie S. is gonna clean the embalming room.
CARL. Embalming room? Aren’t you better off with a workshop?
MYRTLE. It’s a long story. One I’d be happy to share with you sometime. Perhaps a personal tour of the theatre….(to Sylvie, apologetic) I know, Business Myrtle.
CARL. So, what does the N stand for?
JACKIE N. North….Newark.
CARL. I didn’t know there was a North Newark.
JACKIE N. What’s he talking about?
SYLVIE. Never mind Jackie.
JACKIE N. You want me to send them in.
SYLVIE. Absolutely.
JACKIE N. One at a time or both together.
SYLVIE. Carl?
CARL. Both together defiantly. I think I can handle two actresses at one time.
JACKIE N. Really? Watch this guy. I wouldn’t turn my back on him.
MYRTLE. Oh, I’m watching him alright.
(Jackie N exits)
CARL. Well, so far, we have two actresses.
SYLVIE. Shouldn’t we see if they can act first?
CARL. Like I said, we’re trying to cast a community theatre play in the suburbs. Beggars can’t be choosers.
(Lynne Taylor and Naiomi Burton enter. Lynne is fifty something accomplished Shakespearean actress and self-absorbed diva with an impeccable resume and Naomi is a 35 year old novice)
CARL Welcome ladies. I am Carl Hill the artistic director…
SYLVIE. Artistic Director?
CARL, (Aside to Sylvie) Well somebody has to be, we have to make it look good.
SYLVIE. I guess so.
CARL. And this is Sylvie Rose the theatre owner and managing director.
SYLVIE. Pleased to meet you.
CARL. And this is Myrtle ahh…
MYRTLE. Tuttle.
CARL. Myrtle Tuttle the ahh, ahh Executive Director!
SYLVIE. Executive Director?
MYRTLE. Well, somebody has to be.
SYLVIE. Fine.
(They hand Carl their resumes)
CARL. Let’s see. Who do we have here? Lynn Taylor and (looking at next resume) Naomi Burton! Why this is incredible! We’re looking for actors and who walks in but Burton and Taylor!
SYLVIE. Yes, Burton and Taylor! How fortunate.
NAOMI. (trying to join in) Yes Burton and Taylor. (aside to Lynne) Who’s Burton and Taylor?
LYNNE. Never mind dear. You’re way too young to remember.
MYRTLE. Yeah, good thing it wasn’t Lunt and Fontaine. TO READ THE ENTIRE PLAY ORDER A COPY OFF AMAZON BOOKS OR EMAIL JOE SIMONELLI FOR A PERUSAL.
CARL. So, I’ve been told.
MYRTLE. Tell me something Carl. Are you single?
CARL. Yes, I am. Are you?
SYLVIE. We both are. But can we just stick to business for the time being.
CARL. Are you thinking of going non – profit?
SYLVIE. Never really thought about it. Why do you ask?
CARL. There are benefits and drawbacks.
SYLVIE. Really, what are the benefits?
CARL. You get to apply for grants.
SYLVIE. What are the drawbacks?
CARL. You have to deal with a board of directors.
SYLVIE. And that’s bad?
CARL. It depends on your point of view. Most theatre boards are only there because they want to act in the plays.
SYLVIE. Oh, that’s bad.CARL. No that’s good, do you know how hard it is to find actors for community theatre?
SYLVIE. I have already discussed it with Myrtle. Well, it’s something to consider. Did you bring a resume?
CARL. Why, of course. Here you go…
(he takes resume from bag and hands it to Sylvie )
SYLVIE. Very impressive Carl. But why are you out here, couldn’t you get plenty of work in the city?
CARL. I’m not a kid anymore. So, I’ve opted for a bit of a more sedentary life. You know. Get away from the city pavement and enjoy some country grass.
MYRTLE. Guess it depends on which country the grass is from.
SYLVIE. Have you picked out a play for me?
CARL. Sure did. I thought this one was intriguing.
(He pulls a play from his bag and hands it to her)
SYLVIA. (Looking though play as Myrtle reads over her shoulder) All about Eva, the musical. (as she peruses the play). Wait a minute we can’t stage this play!
MYRTLE. Why, because it’s a biography of Eva Braun?
SYLVIA. No, because it’s a musical. We’re a ninety-five seat community theatre, Carl. We can’t afford to stage musicals. The royalties are enormous.
CARL. Fine, so pick one of those old chestnuts you have in front of you.
MYRTLE. Do you have to mention chestnuts? I’m starving.
CARL. Oh well, then perhaps you’d like to join me for a late lunch after the auditions today?
MYRTLE. I’d love to Carl.
SYLVIE. Business Myrtle.
CARL. She’s right, Myrtle. This is community theatre. There is no room for frivolous romance and dalliances.
SYLVIA. No frivolous romances? How long have you been in community theatre Carl?
CARL. Just starting in the amateur ranks.
MYRTLE. He’ll come around.
CARL. So, have you selected a play?
SYLVIE. Not yet. They all require royalties, and even royalties for non- musicals have gone up in the last twenty years. Some have doubled and tripled.
CARL. Well, the playwright’s gotta eat too I suppose.
MYRTLE. Yeah, so does a box office manager.
CARL. I have it, we’ll start out by picking a play that’s in the public domain. No royalties are required. How about Shakespeare?
SYLVIE. Yeah, he doesn’t really bring ‘em in like he did in the fifteen hundreds. How about George Bernard Shaw? He must be in the public domain by now.
CARL. Eliza Doolittle! Always a crowd pleaser! I’ll look it up.
(He starts researching on his phone)
MYRTLE. Eliza Doolittle? I thought you said no musicals.
SYLVIE. Not “My Fair Lady” Myrtle. Pygmalion by Shaw. That’s the non-musical that it was based on.
CARL. Sorry, Bernard Shaw is still not in the public domain, but not to worry, I wrote my own version of the story called Pygmuleian.
MYRTLE. You write plays too?
CARL. Sure, who doesn’t.
SYLVIA. Pygmuleian?
CARL. Yes, it’s a period piece set in the old west. A mule skinner tries to teach a Boston Lady how to pass for a frontier woman. Sort of a twist on the plot.
SYLVIA. Twist? It sounds more like a strangle. What’s the cast like.
CARL. Five men and ten women but we can scale it down.
SYLVIA. To what?
CARL. It depends, let’s see who shows up to audition.
MYRTLE. Hey, can Sylvie and I be in it?
SYLVIE. Great idea Myrt. I’ll run back and forth from the light booth, and you can join in after you close the concession stand and run the fifty/ fifty.
MYRTLE. I knew it would work.
SYLVIE. I was being sarcastic.
CARL. It’s been done before.
SYLVIE. Let’s just see who shows up to auditions.
CARL. Sounds great.
(Jackie N enters from archway)
JACKIE N. Hey, two women are in the lobby waiting to audition.
CARL. Do they have any experience?
JACKIE N. How should I know? I didn’t ask them for references.
MYRTLE. Oh, Carl Hill, I’d like you to meet Jackie N. She’s one of our set builders and prop mistress.
JACKIE N. Hey, nobody said anything about prop mistress to me. If you’re looking for a mistress, you’re better off talking to the other Jackie.
CARL. Are there two Jackies?
MYRTLE. Yeah, she’s Jackie N. She’s gonna paint the office. Jackie S. is gonna clean the embalming room.
CARL. Embalming room? Aren’t you better off with a workshop?
MYRTLE. It’s a long story. One I’d be happy to share with you sometime. Perhaps a personal tour of the theatre….(to Sylvie, apologetic) I know, Business Myrtle.
CARL. So, what does the N stand for?
JACKIE N. North….Newark.
CARL. I didn’t know there was a North Newark.
JACKIE N. What’s he talking about?
SYLVIE. Never mind Jackie.
JACKIE N. You want me to send them in.
SYLVIE. Absolutely.
JACKIE N. One at a time or both together.
SYLVIE. Carl?
CARL. Both together defiantly. I think I can handle two actresses at one time.
JACKIE N. Really? Watch this guy. I wouldn’t turn my back on him.
MYRTLE. Oh, I’m watching him alright.
(Jackie N exits)
CARL. Well, so far, we have two actresses.
SYLVIE. Shouldn’t we see if they can act first?
CARL. Like I said, we’re trying to cast a community theatre play in the suburbs. Beggars can’t be choosers.
(Lynne Taylor and Naiomi Burton enter. Lynne is fifty something accomplished Shakespearean actress and self-absorbed diva with an impeccable resume and Naomi is a 35 year old novice)
CARL Welcome ladies. I am Carl Hill the artistic director…
SYLVIE. Artistic Director?
CARL, (Aside to Sylvie) Well somebody has to be, we have to make it look good.
SYLVIE. I guess so.
CARL. And this is Sylvie Rose the theatre owner and managing director.
SYLVIE. Pleased to meet you.
CARL. And this is Myrtle ahh…
MYRTLE. Tuttle.
CARL. Myrtle Tuttle the ahh, ahh Executive Director!
SYLVIE. Executive Director?
MYRTLE. Well, somebody has to be.
SYLVIE. Fine.
(They hand Carl their resumes)
CARL. Let’s see. Who do we have here? Lynn Taylor and (looking at next resume) Naomi Burton! Why this is incredible! We’re looking for actors and who walks in but Burton and Taylor!
SYLVIE. Yes, Burton and Taylor! How fortunate.
NAOMI. (trying to join in) Yes Burton and Taylor. (aside to Lynne) Who’s Burton and Taylor?
LYNNE. Never mind dear. You’re way too young to remember.
MYRTLE. Yeah, good thing it wasn’t Lunt and Fontaine. TO READ THE ENTIRE PLAY ORDER A COPY OFF AMAZON BOOKS OR EMAIL JOE SIMONELLI FOR A PERUSAL.